Rockies Slump, Beard apologizes

Hello, dear readers. I must start this briefest of blogs by apologizing to you, and to the rest of the universe. I have not submitted anything to the blog page since the All-Star break, and is usually the case when I do not check in with you, the Rockies have played pretty poor baseball since then. I take full responsibility! It will not happen again.

Unless, of course, the Rockies decide to continue the flaccid, strikeout-prone hitting they've been doing lately. As discussed earlier in the season, the road has always been a difficult place for the Rockies to hit. This means that Rockies pitching must carry the load when on a roadtrip, and it hasn't done that recently.

If the Rockies' road hitting woes are centered around the fact that a ball breaks more sharply away from Coors Field, making it a difficult adjustment for hitters, I would like to see the Rockies develop a batting cage that can throw a superhuman breaking ball. Perhaps in Denver, such a machine could simulate the sea-level breaking balls the Rockies would face on the road, allowing them to get some batting practice against such pitches before seeing them live.

At any rate, the Rockies have three more games against Philadelphia. Taking all three of those games would finish this road trip and a respectable 5-6, and would likely keep the Rockies within 4 games of the Padres, who get the opportunity to beat up on the Pirates for a few days. With Roy Halladay out of the way, the Rockies have a somewhat easier task ahead of them, but Ubaldo must set the tone today, or all the excitement of the week leading up to the All-Star break will be lost with one of the most dissapointing road trips in recent Rockies memory.

-T.B.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF BEARD

Yes, Rockies fans, that was nine runs in the bottom of the 9th, one of the Beardliest innings in Rockies history. Tacos for everyone, and an unexpected "W" for the Rockies. We owe a big "thank-you!" to Tony LaRussa, for his inexplicable decision to leave his foundering closer in the game while the Rockies' lefties stroked hit after hit towards a hapless Randy Winn in right field.

As I said a few weeks, ago, my goal this year is to focus on Ryan Spilborghs, and let the rest of the team find their inner -- and outer -- Beards. They appear to be doing just that, at least at the plate. As Rockies starters begin to falter, the offense is starting to get going. Dexter Fowler, having been bored in AAA last month, has apparently decided he never, ever wants to go back. Barmes is celebrating his annual "Hitting Month." Herrera, called up to play 2B so Barmes can replace the injured Tulo at shortstop, is the sort of situational contact hitter this team has badly needed ever since Todd Helton retired. Giambi is starting to pull his substantial weight as Helton's backup, and Carlos Gonzalez looks like he gets better every week. And let's not forget last night's biggest hero, Seth Smith's Beard.

Yes, the Beard Factor for the Rockies is very high right now, despite Giambi's new clean-shaven look. Leading the way is Smith, whose beard rivals even Spilly's at its ferocious fullest. Other bearded Rockies in the lineup lately include Chris Ianetta (another big contributor to last night's victory), shoulda-been All Star Miguel Olivo, Gonzalez, Fowler, Ian Stewart, Spliborghs, and of course, Todd Helton. The more Rockies buy into this beard thing, the more games they will win. The universe understands the Power of the Beard, and the Rockies are beginning to see it, too.

Beards Invade Rockies, Wins Follow! Plus, Interleague's Retardedness Revealed

Hello, readers from Earth and planets beyond! I'm mobile today, checking in via my new iPhone. I realize it's fairly tough to get your hands on these, but as a Beard of Infinite Means, I was able to score one no problem. Right now, I'm making the quick jaunt from Pluto, where I visited a cousin at his summer home, to Anaheim, where the Rockies will face the Angels this evening. Coverage is pretty good in this solar system, except in the vicinity of Jupiter, where the damn monolith always creates a dead spot.

I don't know if you've noticed, but the Beard Ratio for the Colorado Rockies is on the rise. Seth Smith, Ian Stewart, Todd Helton, and Jason Giambi are all sporting full beards lately, and of course we can always count on Joe Beimel and this blog's namesake, Ryan Spilborghs, for some quality beardsmanship. And as we all know, Beardliness is the trademark of greatness.

I doubt you'll consider it a surprise, then, that the beard-heavy Rockies (despite having lost Tulowitzki for a month of more) have played good baseball of late against some quality opponents. Since getting embarrassed by the Astros two weeks ago, the Rockies have an 8-4 record, including going 6-3 against some of the best teams in the American League. If not for Dustin Pedroia's heroics last night, the Rockies may well have swept the Red Sox to go along with their earlier sweep of Toronto.

Pedroia is a fine example of what a Beard can do for a player. This is a guy blessed with the perfect build for a career as a Photo Elf alongside a department store Santa, but slap a beard on him and he's the Rookie of the Year and the American League MVP. He killed the Rockies with a 5-5, 3 home run night, including the game-winning shot in the 10th inning. Hats off to him... I'm sure by the time he's done, he'll have a lot more trophies to display on the mantle in his mushroom house.

Now, the Rockies hit the road to Anaheim to finish the interleague portion of the schedule. With three tough games to go, the Rockies have again proven that they aren't scared of the big, bad American League. But the problems with interleague continue to be so obvious that it's puzzling how it retains its popularity. The Rockies interleague schedule this year included the Royals, Twins, Angels, Red Sox, and Blue Jays, whose combined records as of June 25th was 194-172, a winning percentage of .530. Let's look at the rest of the NL West to see what their interleague schedules look like:

San Diego: Seattle, Seattle again, Toronto, Baltimore, Tampa: 132-157 (.457) 
San Francisco: Oakland, Oakland again, Baltimore, Toronto, Boston: 137-156 (.461)
Colorado: Royals, Twins, Angels, Red Sox, Blue Jays: 194-172 (.530) 
Los Angeles: Detroit, LA Angels, Boston, Angels again, New York: 169-125 (.575)
Arizona: Toronto, Boston, Detroit, New York, Tampa: 210-152 (.580)

Does that list look familiar at all? It should, if you're a follower of the NL West, because the strength of interleague schedule almost perfectly corresponds to the teams' current position in the division. The two NL West teams with the easiest interleague schedules also happen to be the two NL West teams at the top of the division. What. A. Surprise.

It doesn't take much to see that the Rockies, Dodgers, and especially the D-backs get royally screwed with this schedule, while the Giants and the Padres get a relative cakewalk. San Fransisco got to see the sub-.500 A's six times, and then another three games against the worst team in the majors, the Orioles. The Padres faced the last-place Mariners six times, and those same awful Orioles three times. That's eighteen games against sub-.500 (sub-.300, in Baltimore's case) AL competition for Sans Diego & Francisco. On the other hand, the Rockies, D-Backs, and Dodgers together had a whopping three games against sub-.500 AL squads. Three.

Why does it matter, you ask? The answer is clear: when you're competing with four or five other teams for a division championship, two or three games can make a huge difference. So it's a huge handicap when you have to play three against Yankees, but your opponents get those three games against the Orioles.

Interleague is a nice idea handled almost completely wrong, and before MLB starts tinkering with the very bad idea of instant replay, you'd think they could at least put together a balanced schedule that doesn't favor some teams while working against others. If that means doing away with interleague baseball altogether, then so be it.

The Beard has spoken!

Will the Real Colorado Rockies Please Stand Up?

The Purple gets pretty much embarrassed by two of the worst teams in the NL. Then they go and sweep the Blue Jays, one of the better teams of the Superior League (despite their Canadian handicap). Will we know more about this team after their set in Minnesota? Your guess is as good as mine, friends. But this is one of the better pitching staffs (rotation and bullpen) in the majors, and every once in a while, they look like they're about to start hitting too. If that ever happens, we may see something special.

I, The Beard, have changed my strategy regarding the Rockies and their universal greatness... at one time, I concentrated my full Beardliness on Ryan Spilborghs, and both he and the Rockies achieved much. The following two years, I focused on the team, with mixed results. Now, I have decided once again to channel all possible greatness through Ryan Spilborghs and his amazing beard, and to allow that beard to act as a beacon towards which the Rockies will affix their eyes and hearts. So go, Ryan, and go Ryan's Beard... let's show them how this is done.

-TB

Rockies Go For Split with Worst Team in NL

...that headline should have read, "Worst Team in NL Before They Got To Colorado." Taking two of three already from the Rockies, the Astros are now half a game ahead of the Pirates, and good for them! If the Rockies aren't going to be winning games, at least they're doing their best to keep their opponents out of the basement.

The Beard is thinking it's about time to fire Don Baylor. It was great to see Groove back in the dugout, but frankly, when a team that looks on paper like they'll hit a ton is hitting this poorly, something has to change. The Rockies as a team are hitting .254 with runners in scoring position, and a crap-lousy .213 with RISP and two outs... the latter number good for worst in the major leagues. Let that one soak in for a bit.

How many times in past seasons, Rockies fans, did we look at the team's explosive offense, and mutter to ourselves, "If they had even average pitching they'd be winning games." Now we look at our pitching (4th in the NL in ERA) and mutter about the hitting. There have always excuses about the failures of Rockies pitching, and many of them are good excuses. But there's no excuse for this team not hitting. No excuse for them failing to score runs against two of the worst pitching staffs in the league, the Diamondbacks and Astros. No excuses!