Beard Shavings - July 27 2008

Greetings, dear readers! Today's Beard Shavings entry will be brief, as the Rockies are closing their series in Cincinnati today, and I wish to be there to do everything possible to ensure a victory. For those who may not have noticed, the Rockies are playing very well of late. Their offense has been a joy to watch, and their starting pitching has been excellent. I still expect at least one trade deadline move (either Fuentes or Taveras, and possibly Barmes), but the Rockies are far from being out of contention. If the remainder of this road trip goes as I expect it will, they will be in an enviable position... namely, a handful of games back in the sorry NL West.

However, today's focus is not on the Rockies and their recent string of exciting play. Today, on behalf of the entire baseball-loving galaxy, I wish to extend my congratulations to Mr Richard "Goose" Gossage, as he is enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Gossage was the owner of one of baseball's all-time best fastballs. He retired fourth all-time in saves, and his 115 wins in relief ranks third all-time. Not only was Mr. Gossage one of the early prototypes of today's dedicated closer, he was also (along with fellow HOF reliever Rollie Fingers) a champion of truly outstanding facial hair.

His 310 career saves do not place him in the top 15 all-time saves today (which helped lead to a frustratingly long wait for his HoF induction), but his role was very different from today's one-inning closers. For example, 193 of Gossage's 310 saves required him to record at least four outs, compared to 98 for Mariano Rivera and 55 for Trevor Hoffman. Of those, Gossage recorded seven or more outs to save a game 52 times, while Hoffman has done this twice, and Rivera but once. The time it took for Gossage to be elected into the Hall of Fame (as well as the continued absence of Andre Dawson and, to a lesser extent, Jim Rice) demonstrates the flaws in the Hall of Fame election process, but his election offers hope that those flaws can be overcome.

So Beardly congratulations to you, Goose Gossage! A mustache and a baseball Hall of Famer.

The Beard Interviews: Babe Ruth

Today, YOTB has a special feature for our readers! The Beard has traveled into the infinite for an exclusive interview with Babe Ruth! We hope you enjoy this rare dialog with one of the universe's true legends.


The Beard: Good afternoon, Mr Ruth. Thank you so much for meeting me today.

Babe Ruth: Is it afternoon already, really? Jesus, it's easy to lose track of it up here, ya know? And for Christsake, Beard, call me Babe. We've known each other too long for this "Mr Ruth" baloney.

TB: Indeed, Babe. It is good to see you again. You look well.

BR: Thanks! You're looking pretty trim yaself! (Ruth laughs loudly)

TB: That is a good one, Babe. Let me start by ask--

BR: Hey, I heard a good one the other day! Two blondes are in a car driving through a parking lot. They pull up beside to more blondes sitting in a rowboat. Y'hear that, Beard!? A rowboat, right in the middle of the parking lot! So one of the blondes in the car leans out the window and yells, "Hey! The two of you are giving the rest of us a bad name!" And one of the ones in the boat goes, "Oh yeah? Well, if I could swim I'd come over there and kick your ass!!!" (Ruth laughs loudly).

TB: Ha ha, I hadn't heard that one, Babe. But let's talk about baseball for a moment.

BR: Oh sure, if there's one thing I like to talk about, it's broads! (Ruth laughs loudly) But I love talking baseball too, you know that, Beard! I'll talk about baseball 'til I lose my voice. Get it!?! (Ruth laughs loudly)

TB: Is that a throat cancer joke, Babe? Delightful. Let me ask you about Yankee Stadium. This week, it will host the All Star game in its final season, as it will soon be demolished and the Yankees will move into a new stadium right across the street. What are your thoughts on the Stadium, in its last weeks of its life?

BR: Well I tell ya, when that place opened there was nothing like it. Ya know, it was the first ballpark to be called a "stadium?" It was huge, at least three times the size of any ballpark I'd ever set foot in... made Fenway look like a dump. I loved that place, I tell ya. Loved it. Loved hitting there, loved the fans, all of it. But the place they play now ain't that place, and I won't miss it, not one bit. The park I played in disappeared in 1976 or whatever, when they redid the place. I checked it out once when I poked in there to see Reggie play, but I ain't never wanted to go again.

TB: So even though to this day, Yankee Stadium is still referred to as "The House that Ruth Built," you do not feel any special attachment to the current Stadium, is that right?

BR: Not one bit, Beard. Not one damn bit. They took that great old place and bricked up all the windows, put these space-age looking things up all around it. They took out the roof.. you remember the great roof it had? And they replaced it with lights all around. Ya kidding me?!? They took out all the beams that held the place up an' gave it character, and covered everything else up with these white panels. You look up from your seat and do you see steel and rivets, like you should in a real ballpark? No, ya see an endless white ceiling. Like I said, Beard, I've been there exactly once since they redid it, and it's like watching a ballgame from inside a big, white, goddamned bathroom. You know that's not even the same field I played on? They dug it all out, made the field lower so they could squeeze another couple rows of seats in there. Ah, to hell with it.

TB: So Babe, do you not even consider the current Yankee Stadium to be a classic old ballpark?

BR: Nah, not really. They say it's 80-somethin' years old, but it don't feel like it. It's where I played, sure, but it ain't the same place. That's why I never went back, ya see, after they redid it. I loved that place, it felt like home. But that new place never felt like that, never felt like the place all those games had taken place at. All this cryin' over Yankee Stadium, I don't get it... if you're upset at losing Yankee Stadium to history, you're about 30 years late! Now, tearing down Navin Field... aah, force of habit. Briggs Stadium? In Detroit? Whatever... that's the real shame, I tell ya. That's a great old ballpark they're tearing down over there, and it's a damn shame. It still feels like it did when I played there. I mean, a fan stepped into that park and he coulda been seeing the same thing his granddad did years before. Didya know, when I played my first game in the bigs, them Tigers'd been playing baseball right on that spot for twenty years already! I tell ya... seeing that one go down, it brings a tear to my eye. I'd haunt that place in a second if I had the chance, but there's regulations we've gotta follow for such things, ya see. Cobb's got dibs, and I've got no cause to wrangle with that sumbitch.

TB: As usual, Babe, your opinions are strong. Will you visit the new stadium when it opens?

BR: Yeah, I'm sure I'll get down there sooner or later. But you know what? I've got a lot better things to do than to haunt some ballpark I ain't never even set foot in. Despite what I just said, that ain't really my style... haunting, that is. That's kinda DiMaggio's deal, and I'm happy to leave him to it, that sentimental prick.

TB: I wasn't implying you had any desire to stay long-term, Babe... but you won't even go see if it compares to the stadium you loved so much?

BR: Well, I suppose I could pop on by there to check it out. It's not like I don't know how to find the place! (Ruth laughs loudly) I took a shit right where they're building it on, did you know that? We'd just finished a doubleheader and we were heading out on the town. I had just hailed a cab, but I tell ya Beard, I'd eaten like eleven weiners that day and man, did I have to leave one. I guess I just didn't feel like finding a can, so I hopped out and wandered over there -- it was just a little empty field, like a park -- and just crapped right behind a tree or something, and then ran back to the cab. (Ruth laughs loudly) But I doubt I'll rush out to see the new place, no. I've got plenty around here to keep me busy. Take Mantle, for instance. That guy's been wearing me right out! He's a tough one to keep up with, I tell ya. And you wouldn't believe the chicks that are up here, ya know!?

TB: Indeed. Well thank you, Babe, for this rare treat. All the best to you.

BR: Well I thank you, Beard. I sure do appreciate the opportunity to speak with all the baseball fans out there. The Babe loves ya, folks! You remember that.

TB: I'm sure they love you back, Babe. See you soon.

Beard Shavings - All Star Break Report Card

Greetings! It is I, The Beard, with another issue of my Beard Shavings thoughts and musings. This week being the All-Star Break and the unofficial halfway point for the baseball season, I shall use as an opportunity to share my views on the Rockies' play thus far. As a wise and eternal Beard, you may trust that my assessments are objective and unflinching, even in the face of such disappointment as the Rockies created for us. And so, I commence...

Colorado Rockies Mid-Season Report Card

Starting Pitching
Overall Grade: D+

Aaron Cook (11-6) gets a solid A grade for his excellent performance in the first half of the season. His eleven wins are third in the NL, and his two complete games is behind only Ben Sheets' three. His ERA stands at a very respectable (in Rockies terms) 3.57. Aaron Cook is not a staff ace type of pitcher, but he's clearly the best the Rockies have, and worthy of his All-Star nod.

Ubaldo Jimenez (4-9) had a bad start to the season, and on top of that has not had good run support from the Rockies offense. In his last eight starts, however, he has pitched pretty well... his record is 3-3, with the team 5-3 in those starts, and he has an ERA over that span of 3.04 with 41 strikeouts to 25 walks. Ubaldo merits a C+ grade at the halfway point, the only other starter with a passing mark.

The rest of the starting rotation has been inconsistent at best. Jeff Francis looked like a different guy and then went on the DL. Jorge De La Rosa has had a few very good performances mixed in with plenty of awful ones. Greg Reynolds showed flashes of promise but not nearly enough. Mark Redman hasn't helped himself at all other than one or two decent starts. Everybody other than Cook and Jimenez gets an F at the halfway point, with an incomplete grade for Kip Wells.

Bullpen
Overall Grade: D

Taylor Buchholz, please come to the front of the class for your gold star. Fuentes, Grilli, and Herges may be excused, but I'm watching you closely. Everybody else: approach for your paddling and your big, fat Fs. The Rockies have blown 16 saves and they have a save percentage of 54% (only three teams are worse). Corpas stank early and has been slow to return to form. Luis Vizcaino has been nothing short of a disaster... only in his last two appearances has he been anything close to what the Rockies paid for. Only the fact that the Rockies haven't really given the bullpen that many leads to blow hides how truly mediocre this bunch has been this season. Giving the ball to this bullpen has been like throwing an empty keg into a campfire... it's going to blow up and it's going to be messy, the only question is when.

Offense
Overall Grade: D+

Why such a low grade for the Rockies offense, you ask? They have plenty of guys who are hitting well, men like Barmes, Atkins, Spilborghs, and of course Holliday. They have the league leader in stolen bases in Taveras. But as a team, they are in the middle of the MLB pack on nearly every offensive stat: 17th in average, 19th in runs, 14th in hits, 17th in HRs, 18th in RBI, 14th in OBP, 16th in slugging %. When one considers that Coors Field inflates most offensive stats, you get an idea of just how bad the Rockies are hitting as a team.

How many times in the last month or so have they had the bases loaded, with one or none out, and failed to score even a single run? The Rox are batting .243 with runners in scoring position... only four teams are worse. Rockies fans should expect trouble from their pitching staff, but not from their offense, not like this. As a Beard who makes it his business to recognize and enhance greatness in humans, the lack of greatness from the Rockies' offense troubles me most of all.

Defense
Grade: A-

The Rockies are not lights-out defensively as they were last season, but they have been very good. Their team fielding percentage is top five in the majors. With the departure of Kaz and Tulowitzki missing many games so far, the middle of the infield hasn't been quite as solid as it was last year, but Quintanilla has been excellent, and Baker has been a pleasant surprise defensively. Garrett Atkins, always the Rockies' weak link with the glove, is playing admirably at 3B, and Helton remains one of the best defensive 1B in the game. Brad Hawpe continues to make up for his occasionally shaky fielding with his plus arm, while Holliday continues his evolution into a very good outfielder, the comparisons to Dante Bichette a seemingly distant memory.

Manager Clint Hurdle
Grade: F

There have been injuries to deal with. There were high expectations coming in based on the Rockies' success last year. Many young players that shone last season (Ubaldo, Morales, Tulo) have taken steps, if not leaps, backward. Some veteran players (Helton) have fallen apart before our eyes. But you know what? A manager's job is to work around things like this, and Clint Hurdle has failed to do so, in a big way. F-minus.

GM Dan O'Dowd
Grade: C-

None of O'Dowd's offseason moves have had a positive effect on the team. Josh Fogg left, replaced by retreads Mark Redman and Kip Wells. LaTroy Hawkins out, Luis Vizcaino in. Kaz Matsui and Jamey Carroll out, Jayson Nix in. Cory Sullivan does not make the team, Scott Podsednik did. The Beard does not question the decisions to not keep those players from last year's team, but from top to bottom, the players who were brought into fill those roster spots have been inadequate replacements. O'Dowd may be gearing up to start making some moves, likely starting with trading Fuentes after the break. If Holliday is moved, too - no matter what the Rockies get in return - O'Dowd's current grade could go into a freefall, so stay tuned.


TV Announcers
Grade: C

The regular FSN pair of George Frazier and Drew Goodman do a good job of keeping viewers informed about the opponent and the game while being excited yet honest about the Rockies. Goodman is a fine play-by-play man and the Rockies are lucky to have him. Frazier is chatty and, even for an analyst, seems to really enjoy the sound of his own voice. Although has great insights into pitching, he too often ignores other aspects in his zeal to talk about pitchers, or whatever else creeps into his head. When Frazier is out, Jeff Huson steps in and is a welcome change of pace in the analyst seat. Overall, the TV crew keeps the gimmicky stuff like guests in the booth and silly crowd interviews to a minimum (although one "behind the scenes" night a season is more than enough)... but if I have to hear Goodman and Frazier blather more time about putting mayonnaise on hot dogs, I might have to zip up to the booth and do something very un-Beardly to them both.

The Beard
Grade: C-

As an immortal and omniscient Beard from outer space, I have no fear in focusing my own powerful beams of evaluation squarely on my own efforts. My plan was to work with Ryan Spilborghs this season, to make him the most manly and greatest player he could be, and in that I believe I have been successful thus far. Few have seen Ryan and his beard and come away without a sense of awe. However, the intention was not for Ryan to awe his teammates but to inspire them... to act as a beacon of greatness, perhaps, which the rest of the Rockies team could follow. Sadly, I must admit that this part of the plan has failed. As excellently as Ryan has performed for the Rockies, the Rockies have largely failed to follow his lead, and for that I must give myself a substandard grade.

Ryan's recent decision to go clean-shaven was a bold message to his teammates, and I am proud of him for it. His baby face told them: it is not I who must be great, it is we who must be great. I will take Ryan's wisdom to heart in the second half of the year. I will double my efforts, as I now see the error of my ways. This group of players does not need to see the excellence in others as an example, they must see the excellence in themselves! So no longer will I concentrate solely on Ryan Spilborghs. Rather, I shall attempt to spread my Beardlyness throughout the team, in an effort to make every Rockie see the greatness that lies within each of them.

Spilly headed for DL

Do you believe in coincidence? I don't. Spilborghs, sporting the sweet beard, was enjoying a great season as the Rockies 4th outfielder and pinch hitter. But he shaves the beard, injures his oblique running bases and will likely be put on the DL today.

Don't mess with The Beard, Ryan. Get well soon.

This could be an interesting week...

So the Rockies have won two series in a row, Ubaldo just threw his third solid game in his last four starts, and the bullpen has failed to blow a lead in quite some time. They hit the road last night and hold off a Brewers team fresh off a sweep of the Pie-Rats, in a game that, if not for two defensive botches in the 8th inning, could easily have been a shutout. So if we're grading the Rockies, right now they're getting a thumbs up.

And of course, because it's the NL West we're talking about here, the Rox find themselves closer to the division lead than they are to a .500 record. So what happens next? Do they go on a tear on the road, and get to within 2-3 games out by the All-Star Break, or do they collapse back into their streaky bad habits and find themselves in the cellar? Does Helton return from his back injury? Go on the long-term DL? Contemplate retirement? Will Tulo get his head out of his butt in time to help this team? Do the Rockies go into selling mode and move Fuentes? And Holliday? Or do they shock some people and pay for a quality starter to take some of the pressure off Cookie?

Big questions, with answers to come. My predictions: yes; no; doubtful; probably; I hate to say it but hopefully; let's hope so; yes and probably very soon; no; don't hold your breath.


Til next time, Go Rockies!!

Brush with Coolness, Part II

Earlier this year, I wrote a bit about how I was in a beer line behind Jeff Francis, and totally showed him a thing or two on how to order a beverage with confidence. Well, once again I have given the Rockies and their fans an opportunity to brush against my considerable Coolness, just to give them an idea on how things should be done. Intrigued? Then by all means, my friends in coolness, read on...

So my brother and I are at Coors Field Saturday night, on Matt Holliday Bobblehead night. Not only did we get a cool Holliday bobblehead, but the Rockies were thoughtful enough to also accessorize it with little Angel and Yankee "Holliday 5" jerseys and matching helmets, just to make it easier to keep it up-to-date in the coming months. Anyway, top of the 6th, and Hanley Ramirez fouls it off right behind the plate. It goes way up, bounces off the 2nd deck down to about six rows above us, and that's when I snagged it, in very cool and manly fashion! I was even able to make a sweet adjustment at the last second, as I lost it in the lights right as it came to me. So, hooray for me! I would TOTALLY win those Frontier flyball tickets if they just gave me the chance!

And then, a couple pitches later, some guy a couple sections over catches one... with a baseball glove!!! What kind of self-respecting adult brings a baseball glove to a ballgame? Folks, if you're over 12 years old, leave the glove at home... seriously. You just look like a dweeb, not nearly as cool as somebody who catches it with their bare hand, like me. And if your height and reach allowed you to grab the ball right from over some little kid's outstretched hands, do the cool thing and give the ball to him or her as soon as the mock cheering for your "accomplishment" has faded.

These moments of awesomeness always come in three's, so I'll keep you posted on the next one.

Optimism.... Returning..... Must Resist....

It is foolish, really, to get too excited about a little four-game winning streak, particularly when two of those wins were against the worst team in the entire major leagues. And when one recalls that this modest little streak was preceded by an eight-game losing streak that included some of the least inspired baseball the Rockies have displayed in quite some time, it really puts this into the proper perspective. It's just a four-game streak, the pitching is still in disarray and the bats remain far too streaky to convince me that this, finally, is the win streak that will get the Rockies back on track.

Yet, there is excitement among the purple-clad patrons, and for a good reason. Not because the Rockies had their largest-ever comeback victory last night, in one of the most thrilling and implausible games you'll ever see. Not because the home runs were flying out of the park last night, with Holliday knocking a grand slam to pull the Rockies back to within one run in the late innings, and Spilborghs and Ianetta each hitting Galarraga-esque shots completely over the pavilion in left field and onto the concourse.

The excitement is that the Rockies are suddenly playing a lot like they did last year, when the scoreboard didn't phase them and there was no game they could not win. Last year, when instead of our pitching letting down when the hits came, the hits came when the pitching needed them. Last year, when they knew that if one guy failed, the next guy would get the job done. Last year, that confidence drove them all the way to the Series in one of the most thrilling and implausible runs baseball has ever seen.

That confidence was beat out of them in the Series, and has not really reappeared this year, until these last four games. And the team is feeding off that confidence. Their dugout is full of open faces rather than slumped shoulders, high fives rather than pats on the back. It's only four games, of course, but these four games have had a different, yet familiar look to them. Haven't they?

Injuries galore!!!

So, Willy T is out for a while with a hurt quad. Jeff Francis has a "tired arm" and he's on the DL. And today, the Rockies announce that Helton has had his back flare up and might be out for a while.

I hate to be happy when guys are hurting, but none of these three has done much to help the Rockies this season. Taveras hasn't been getting on base nearly enough, Francis hasn't looked like himself at all, and Helton just looks old. I think getting all three of these guys out of the lineup until they are ready to produce is a good thing.

Mark Redman is up for Francis, Baker will likely get all of Helton's starts (meaning more starts for Q and Barmes at 2B), and it appears that Spilborghs will be the man in center field and at the top of the order. All of this are baby steps in the right direction, if you ask me. And by reading this blog, you accept the responsibility of listening to my answers whether you asked for them or not!

Now, on to the big question surrounding the Rockies... who gets The Beard? I have it on good authority that even though Spilly is currently sporting the clean-shaven look, The Beard has not abandoned either him or the Rockies. The Beard knows that he'd become a distraction, so he'll be channeling his greatness from behind the scenes for a while. We must not question the wisdom of The Beard!

Til next time, go Rockies!!

Rox Bottom

Enough! I realize this blog has been nothing if not optimistic, but I've had enough of this pitiful, heartless Rockies team. How do you have a sixth-inning, five-run lead against one of the worst offensive teams in either league, and lose the game 15-8?!?

The entire bullpen (with the exception of Buchholz) is a mess, nobody can be counted on to get an out. The rotation is hanging on by their fingernails. Hurdle needs to manage the All-Star team in a Rockies uniform, and then get the boot. Thanks Clint, but you clearly don't have what it takes to manage a team expected to contend. Hurdle keeps putting the bat in Willy Taveras' hands, and Willy keeps disappointing. He continues to platoon Torrealba and Ianetta, when Chris has been more productive even with fewer at-bats. And he keeps giving the damn ball to Fuentes. Get rid of 'em all. These guys are an embarrassment to themselves. We know they're better than this, we've seen it.

And finally, after years of defending him as his stats decline, I'm finally ready to start giving Todd Helton his share of grief. He's cost himself a shot at Cooperstown with a steady plunge to mediocrity the last four seasons... everybody knows he's lost all his power, but his overall hitting has fallen off drastically, too, and it's especially obvious this season. He's striking out a ton. He's not hitting any line drives at all. He has 29 RBI halfway through the season, which places him 29th among MLB first basemen. Some of that's because nobody hitting ahead of him can get on base, but still, 29th? There's only 30 teams, Todd. Even doubles, which even after he stopped hitting homers were still showing us he could hit the ball hard, have dried up; he's barely on pace to hit 30 this season. Todd Helton is killing us at the plate, and his contract is killing any hopes of retaining Holliday. If Helton's the leader of this team, we can see why they're playing the way they are. Come on, Todd... nobody expects you to hit 40 HRs and 140RBI anymore, but either show some pride out there, or hang them up.

Sigh. In happier news, Spilborghs has continued the evolution of The Beard, and after a week or so of growing it out, has again trimmed it back to the very-spiffy Three Musketeers look! Spilly continues to be a bright spot in a dull season, as one of the most productive pinch-hitters in the league. And after the Rockies in their infinite wisdom trade away their best player, Matt Holliday, Spil will likely be a starting outfielder.