The Beard: Good afternoon, Mr Ruth. Thank you so much for meeting me today.Babe Ruth: Is it afternoon already, really? Jesus, it's easy to lose track of it up here, ya know? And for Christsake, Beard, call me Babe. We've known each other too long for this "Mr Ruth" baloney.
TB: Indeed, Babe. It is good to see you again. You look well.
BR: Thanks! You're looking pretty trim yaself! (Ruth laughs loudly)
TB: That is a good one, Babe. Let me start by ask--
BR: Hey, I heard a good one the other day! Two blondes are in a car driving through a parking lot. They pull up beside to more blondes sitting in a rowboat. Y'hear that, Beard!? A rowboat, right in the middle of the parking lot! So one of the blondes in the car leans out the window and yells, "Hey! The two of you are giving the rest of us a bad name!" And one of the ones in the boat goes, "Oh yeah? Well, if I could swim I'd come over there and kick your ass!!!" (Ruth laughs loudly).
TB: Ha ha, I hadn't heard that one, Babe. But let's talk about baseball for a moment.
BR: Oh sure, if there's one thing I like to talk about, it's broads! (Ruth laughs loudly) But I love talking baseball too, you know that, Beard! I'll talk about baseball 'til I lose my voice. Get it!?! (Ruth laughs loudly)
TB: Is that a throat cancer joke, Babe? Delightful. Let me ask you about Yankee Stadium. This week, it will host the All Star game in its final season, as it will soon be demolished and the Yankees will move into a new stadium right across the street. What are your thoughts on the Stadium, in its last weeks of its life?
BR: Well I tell ya, when that place opened there was nothing like it. Ya know, it was the first ballpark to be called a "stadium?" It was huge, at least three times the size of any ballpark I'd ever set foot in... made Fenway look like a dump. I loved that place, I tell ya. Loved it. Loved hitting there, loved the fans, all of it. But the place they play now ain't that place, and I won't miss it, not one bit. The park I played in disappeared in 1976 or whatever, when they redid the place. I checked it out once when I poked in there to see Reggie play, but I ain't never wanted to go again.TB: So even though to this day, Yankee Stadium is still referred to as "The House that Ruth Built," you do not feel any special attachment to the current Stadium, is that right?
BR: Not one bit, Beard. Not one damn bit. They took that great old place and bricked up all the windows, put these space-age looking things up all around it. They took out the roof.. you remember the great roof it had? And they replaced it with lights all around. Ya kidding me?!? They took out all the beams that held the place up an' gave it character, and covered everything else up with these white panels. You look up from your seat and do you see steel and rivets, like you should in a real ballpark? No, ya see an endless white ceiling. Like I said, Beard, I've been there exactly once since they redid it, and it's like watching a ballgame from inside a big, white, goddamned bathroom. You know that's not even the same field I played on? They dug it all out, made the field lower so they could squeeze another couple rows of seats in there. Ah, to hell with it.TB: So Babe, do you not even consider the current Yankee Stadium to be a classic old ballpark?
BR: Nah, not really. They say it's 80-somethin' years old, but it don't feel like it. It's where I played, sure, but it ain't the same place. That's why I never went back, ya see, after they redid it. I loved that place, it felt like home. But that new place never felt like that, never felt like the place all those games had taken place at. All this cryin' over Yankee Stadium, I don't get it... if you're upset at losing Yankee Stadium to history, you're about 30 years late! Now, tearing down Navin Field... aah, force of habit. Briggs Stadium? In Detroit? Whatever... that's the real shame, I tell ya. That's a great old ballpark they're tearing down over there, and it's a damn shame. It still feels like it did when I played there. I mean, a fan stepped into that park and he coulda been seeing the same thing his granddad did years before. Didya know, when I played my first game in the bigs, them Tigers'd been playing baseball right on that spot for twenty years already! I tell ya... seeing that one go down, it brings a tear to my eye. I'd haunt that place in a second if I had the chance, but there's regulations we've gotta follow for such things, ya see. Cobb's got dibs, and I've got no cause to wrangle with that sumbitch.TB: As usual, Babe, your opinions are strong. Will you visit the new stadium when it opens?
BR: Yeah, I'm sure I'll get down there sooner or later. But you know what? I've got a lot better things to do than to haunt some ballpark I ain't never even set foot in. Despite what I just said, that ain't really my style... haunting, that is. That's kinda DiMaggio's deal, and I'm happy to leave him to it, that sentimental prick.
TB: I wasn't implying you had any desire to stay long-term, Babe... but you won't even go see if it compares to the stadium you loved so much?
BR: Well, I suppose I could pop on by there to check it out. It's not like I don't know how to find the place! (Ruth laughs loudly) I took a shit right where they're building it on, did you know that? We'd just finished a doubleheader and we were heading out on the town. I had just hailed a cab, but I tell ya Beard, I'd eaten like eleven weiners that day and man, did I have to leave one. I guess I just didn't feel like finding a can, so I hopped out and wandered over there -- it was just a little empty field, like a park -- and just crapped right behind a tree or something, and then ran back to the cab. (Ruth laughs loudly) But I doubt I'll rush out to see the new place, no. I've got plenty around here to keep me busy. Take Mantle, for instance. That guy's been wearing me right out! He's a tough one to keep up with, I tell ya. And you wouldn't believe the chicks that are up here, ya know!?
TB: Indeed. Well thank you, Babe, for this rare treat. All the best to you.
BR: Well I thank you, Beard. I sure do appreciate the opportunity to speak with all the baseball fans out there. The Babe loves ya, folks! You remember that.
TB: I'm sure they love you back, Babe. See you soon.
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