Beard Shavings

Hello, my dear readers. It is I, The Beard! I am taking a quick break from my exhausting work in the Rockies' clubhouse to touch base, as it were, with you all.

For those of you following the playoff chase, this has been a trying time. The Rockies built a substantial lead on the Giants with a 9-1 homestand, and then have seen it whittled down as they have struggled on the road against the Padres and the Giants. Trepidation is common throughout the universe, as Rockies fans everywhere wonder if they will break out of this poorly-timed slump. Some are even questioning whether the Rockies were any good in the first place, wondering if all they have really done was beat up on the Pirates and Nationals a few dozen times, but unable to stand up to the better teams... I understand your confusion, Rockies fans, and it is important enough to me to pause my work with the Rockies to calm your fears.

First of all, even with my great, Beard-inspired optimism, I cannot dispute that the Rockies have not shown up lately in the games that have mattered the most. Since beating the Giants in the 14th inning last month, they have played eight games against the Dodgers and Giants, and have but one victory. As of this writing, they have lost five straight against the Giants, and have been outscored by the usually-inept San Francisco offense 35-11. Rockies fans can no longer pretend that there is no cause for concern. The Rockies, when faced with an opponent desperate for a win, have failed to execute, and their once-comfortable lead in the wild card standings has dwindled.

Now, is there a reason for this? Some good news we can hang our hats on, you ask? Yes and no. As a Great and All-Knowing Beard, I say to those of you who are viewing every game as a must-win, that every team goes through slumps. It just so happens that the Rockies' first signifigant slump since June has happened at a very bad time, and against precisely the wrong teams. Do not forget, dear readers, that the Rockies were not a "hot" team, as many have called them. They are a good team, and they will continue to be a good team when this slump is over.

There are, of course, reasons for slumps... they aren't all just bum luck and bad timing. The Rockies pitching has fallen off a step, defense and baserunning mistakes have cost them some runs, and they still strike out way too often. There is room for improvement, but not much time for it.

The bad news is this: the Rockies inability to turn things up a notch when the games are meaningful does not bode well for their chances in the playoffs, should they make it that far. Now, for those who love silver linings, if the Rockies DO fight through this slump and make the playoffs, it could work to their advantage, and give them a much-needed confidence boost as they prepare to face the best the National League has to offer. But, that's getting ahead of ourselves a bit.

For my part, I am going to suggest to every Rockie in the clubhouse that they grow a beard. This will make it much easier for me to channel my greatness from one player to the next, depending on who needs it most. For example, Ubaldo last night could definitely have used some Beard-magik, but seeing as how his face is as smooth as a glass baby, I had little to work with. But trust me, Rockies players! The time for your beards to flourish is NOW! Do not be afraid, let them grow!!

First among them, however, must be Ryan Spilborghs. It's time to get back to basics, and that starts with me, The Beard, and my primary conduit of greatness, Ryan. From Ryan's noble visage, I will spread Beardly greatness throughout the clubhouse. Don't look at it, no matter what! It may be too much greatness for one human to bear. The faces of those who oppose us shall melt and explode, and the playoffs will land with a reverberating boom at the feet of the Rockies faithful.