In an unsightly display of greed and poor sportsmanship, the Colorado Rockies won all three games against the Arizona Diamondbacks this week. After a close game in the first contest, the next two were easy victories. "We tried to let them win that first game," a sheepish Jim Tracy said, "I don't know what happened there. I feel pretty bad about it."
Diamondbacks pitcher Dan Haren was frustrated: "I don't see why we come all this way, put our uniforms on and everything, and then they go and win all three games. Don't they know how baseball is supposed to work?" Haren pointed out an April series in Arizona, in which the Diamondbacks graciously allowed the Rockies to escape with one victory in three games. "That's how it's supposed to happen. You win two of every three games in this league, and you're going to the playoffs. Why do you have to go around sweeping people?" Haren then sighed, and slumped into the chair in front of his locker, spending the next ten minutes absent-mindedly examining his cuticles.
Arizona Manager A.J Hinch was particularly incensed by the Rockies' three home runs in three consecutive at-bats in the seventh inning of Thursday's game, effectively sealing the sweep for Colorado. Rockies outfielder and Conduit of Greatness Ryan Spilborghs, who hit the last of those three home runs, was contrite. "I mean, Seth Smith has the flu. I don't think he could even focus... Who'd have guessed he'd hit one out? And I know for a fact that Carlos and I went up trying to pop it up, because we discussed our strategies in the on-deck circle. But it's a lot harder than you think to hit a ball right at somebody. We tried, but sometimes these things happen."
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