Thursday, April 10, 2008

First blog: Why the beard?

Hello, and thank you for reading. Why, you may ask, did some dork bother to blog about Ryan Spilborghs' Beard? It's a good question. Quite simply, Spilborghs' Beard has powers... powerful powers. Just look at it and you'll see what I mean... but use caution. DO NOT look directly into the Beard! It is like the Sun, or the face of God. You have been warned.


Perhaps your second question is: who the hell is Ryan Spilborghs? This is also a good question. Ryan Spilborghs is an outfielder for the Colorado Rockies. He is a decent player on a pretty good team that made it to the World Series last year, where they played the ever-popular part of "overwhelmed National League World Series team." Spilborghs is not the Rockies' best player. He's a backup outfielder who provides some right-handed power off the bench, and who will likely see most of his starts when starting RF Brad Hawpe has the day off. But he's the kind of player good teams need to become great teams, and because of that, he will hold a place of honor on this page.

And then, of course, there is the beard.

Spilborghs might sport the greatest, most fake-looking actual beard the world has ever seen. It's like a Saturday Night Live glue-on beard... except it's real. Spilborghs looks like he is in a movie where he just awoke in a hospital bed after a two-month coma. He looks like the guy on the box of the "Just for Men" beard coloring stuff. Few men (and even fewer women) have the courage to rock the full, yet still well-groomed beard these days. Ryan Spilborghs has that courage, and he brings both the courage and the Beard to the 2008 Colorado Rockies. Will the Beard be the final addition the Rockies need to make it back to the Series and win it? Or will the Beard just be a beautiful summertime distraction, like lemonade, girls driving jeeps with no doors, and stop signs?

Time will tell. But either way, we dig it.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

This just slays me: "Spilborghs might sport the greatest, most fake-looking actual beard the world has ever seen"